Thank You For Leaving Me!
by Farhana Dhalla
I recently received the second edition of Farhana Dhalla's book entitled Thank you for Leaving Me - Finding Divinity in Divorce. I first bumped into Farhana almost three years ago, because we are both interested in the emotional consequences of divorce. I think some of you might find it supportive of your experiences.
One of the things I like about Farhana's book is its rawness. Her initial rage at discovering her husband's infidelity is not uncommon territory. Particularly with the women I've represented over the past 30 years, I've seen that the grief that comes from betrayal thrusts deeply into their cores.
Not that men whose partners have strayed don't suffer equally, but I think men suffer differently. Women seek out other women to share their pain, and they deeply soul search because they must know how this could have occurred. Some, like Farhana, even succeed in forgiving their former mate and embracing something larger. Men, on the other hand tend to shut-down, and rarely admit their confusion and hurt with other men, although they may allow their anger. Sometimes this creates a toxicity that manifests in risk-taking behaviors or heart attacks. Possibly males can take a life affirming lesson from her work.
Farhana's journey follows the crumbs of her relationship disaster towards what she calls "the Divine", thereby transmuting her suffering into a form of spiritual awakening. My own discoveries about illusion have come from studying Zen, which for me was a more mind-centered approach (at least initially). Farhana uses her heart instead, and this sweetness is evident as she muses as if we were all her best and closest friends, enjoying a bright afternoon together, and a spot of tea.
Thank You for Leaving Me is an invitation to share the processing that accompanies healing. Farhana makes her evolutionary travels an 'open book,' and so befriends the reader and reminds us that we are not alone. It is a short and easy read, and I think it serves up inspiration and hope. It may help you become emotionally unstuck.
We all love redemption stories, and especially our own.
T.W. Arnold
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